This wonder drug will change your life

What would you say if I told you there was a wonder drug—something that could have both short- and long-term impact on your attitude, your mindset, your behavior, and your mental, physical, and spiritual health?

Well. There is. And there’s no need for a doctor’s prescription.

That wonder drug is healthy relationships.

Last week I asked you several critical questions. Here’s what I asked:

If broken relationships, loneliness, and loss can all cause immense pain, is it possible for HEALTHY relationships to do the OPPOSITE?

Is it possible for healthy relationships to build up, heal, and restore?

Is it possible for healthy relationships to add encouragement, fulfillment, and joy?

Is it possible for healthy relationships to help lift you out of a hole?

(You can find last week’s newsletter HERE.)

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding YES.

This week I’d like to unpack five remarkable benefits of healthy relationships. These benefits directly impacted my journey out of the hole—and they will yours too.

Relationships Benefit 1—Improved Health and Longevity

Would you believe that isolation and loneliness can be fatal?

A report from Harvard Medical School found that a lack of relationships and social connections can be linked to higher mortality rates. One study involving over 300,000 individuals revealed that “a lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50%.” That suggests a more significant impact on mortality than obesity and inactivity combined! It’s also comparable to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

But if that’s true, the reverse must also be true.

What would you do if your doctor told you that you could eliminate a 50% risk factor for premature death WITHOUT a prescription?

Even one or two healthy relationships can provide the benefit of improved health. That’s the Roseto effect. (See last week’s newsletter for more about the Roseto effect.)

Relationship Benefit 2—Honesty

One of my most significant relationship breakthroughs was taking the frightening step of confiding in others about my true condition.

Early in my recovery, I was anxious, overwhelmed, and emotional. Can you imagine unpacking that in a short elevator conversation?

“Hey, John, how’s it going?” Well, Jim, recently I’ve been feeling shame, hopelessness, and constant worry.”

Awkward, right? Early on, I couldn’t even talk about the aftermath of my miracle, much less my complicated and confusing feelings, without turning into a puddle.

So what do you do when that happens?

For me, it was a matter of slowly, gradually, and carefully cracking the door open with a few people I believed I could trust. Mental health issues can be creepy for some people. But other people possess a rare and wonderful gift—the gift of listening without judgment. Sharing my story with someone I could trust was like having a thousand-pound weight lifted off my heart, even when it didn’t make sense to me.

Relationship Benefit 3—Accountability

Healthy relationships hold me accountable.

Many readers will be too young to remember the heyday of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. Elvis passed away in 1977 at the age of 42. His passing was tragic. Lifestyle and drug use all took their toll. Photographs of Elvis in his 20s compared to his early 40s are shocking.

I contend, and this is entirely my opinion, that had Elvis been surrounded by different people and core influencers, he may have lived a much longer and more fulfilling life. Can you imagine if Elvis had trusting relationships with people who held him accountable for his lifestyle, health, and well-being?

Accountability is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. Everyone faces their own unique battles and demons, and accountability helps us confront those struggles more effectively. It encourages me to seek alternatives to harmful self-medicating, to exercise even when I don’t feel like it, and to stay focused on my goals when I find it challenging to commit.

Relationship Benefit 4—Empathy

Researcher and author Brené Brown is a leading expert on shame. Brown states that if you place shame in a petri dish, it requires three elements to thrive: secrecy, silence, and judgment. I’m certain I possessed all three in spades. But Brown asserts that there’s an antidote to shame—empathy. Her “hole” analogy for empathy goes something like this:

You’re stuck in a deep hole. You shout out, “I’m stuck. It’s dark. I’m overwhelmed.”

Someone climbs down into the hole with you and says, “I know what it’s like down here.”

Sure, it’s a little more complicated than that, but not much. Here are the parts of Brené Brown’s discussion on empathy that resonate most with me.

• When I share something difficult or painful, empathy genuinely listens to me without judging me. (That isn’t easy because we’d all rather talk than listen—and we love to judge.)

• Empathy doesn’t minimize or “silver line” my shame or pain by saying, “Well, at least . . . ”

• Empathy doesn’t attempt to fix me or make everything better.

• When I share something difficult, empathy listens and responds, “I don’t even know what to say, but I’m really glad you told me.”

Relationship Benefit 5—Encouragement

Most people don’t know what’s going on deep inside me. But a few do.

It means so much to know that someone else understands my struggles and cheers and prays for me. They notice my improvements and changes and help celebrate my successes and small victories. They lift my spirits and encourage me to keep going when I’m tired, worn out, and discouraged. These close friends and relationships are worth their weight in gold.

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Here’s what I’d like you to do this week.

Reflect on each of these five relationship benefits and ask yourself the following questions:

Which relationship benefits can you recall from the PAST that had a positive impact on your attitude, your mindset, or your behavior?

Be as specific as possible about the time, circumstance, and outcome. (Keep in mind you may not have been aware of these benefits at the time—but may now be able to identify them with distance and perspective.)

Which relationship benefits seem to connect most with you TODAY?

We’re all wired differently and some benefits may resonate more than others. Which resonate most with you?

Where are your greatest RELATIONSHIP GAPS right now? In other words, as you reflect on these five relationship benefits, which ones are missing? Which would help you most right now? How about for the long-term future?

Next week we’ll talk more about putting all of this into practice, including some simple steps you can take to harness the remarkable and healing power of relationships.

For now, please know how much I value my relationship with you. So many of you continue to offer thoughtful feedback and encouragement. Thank you. (Just hit reply. I love to hear what’s helping and working for you.)

God’s continued blessings on your relationships and service to others. You are making a difference—and I am cheering for you every step of the way.

Until next time,

John Alan