The Truth about Relationships
I have a popular song on my mind. Let’s see if you can guess…
It’s commonplace to hear this song on the radio, online, or as a cover at a live concert. No matter the time or place, the outcome is the same. People belt out this 2005 country music anthem at the top of their lungs. They nod knowingly and sing with heartfelt emotion.
Did you guess yet? Here are some more hints. The singer is Carrie Underwood. (Sorry—It’s not the theme for Sunday Night Football.)
More hints. The song remains one of the best-selling and most-played country tunes in history.
In the first verse of this well-known anthem, Underwood recounts a series of indiscretions on the part of her former boyfriend. From there, Underwood transitions to the familiar chorus.
She takes a key to the finish of her former boyfriend’s pickup truck, carves a bit of memorable artwork into his leather seats, smashes his headlights with a baseball bat, and, just for good measure, she slashes his tires.
What is it about the Underwood song “Before He Cheats” that contributes not only to its popularity but also to its universal familiarity? The song’s lyrics seem to reflect the fantasies of countless wounded souls. Because most people understand the pain we sometimes feel as a result of a broken relationship.
(You can search it right now for a quick listen—but it will be in your head the rest of the day or night. You’ve been warned. 🙂)
Today, and for the next couple of weeks, we’re talking about the sometimes misunderstood, often undervalued, and always important topic of RELATIONSHIPS.
Healthy relationships have been a critical part of my journey out of the hole. This topic has also made me keenly aware of the positive role relationships can play in health and well-being—along with the destructive impact broken relationships, isolation, loneliness, and loss can have on physical and mental health.
Carrie Underwood helped us address broken relationships. But isolation and loneliness can be equally painful.
All too often, service-minded people find themselves living on an emotional island. You believe you need to be a rock because it’s your responsibility to help others with their problems. Consequently, you isolate yourself and hide your struggles inside.
And it’s impossible to discuss relationships without recognizing the devastating pain of loss. Losing someone you love can leave a gaping hole in your heart.
So here’s my million-dollar relationship question.
If broken relationships, loneliness, and loss can all cause immense pain, is it possible for HEALTHY relationships to do the OPPOSITE?
Is it possible for healthy relationships to build up, heal, and restore? Is it possible for healthy relationships to add encouragement, fulfillment, and joy? Is it possible for healthy relationships to help lift you out of a hole?
Let’s explore that question by taking a look at a fascinating study called The Rosetto Effect.
In his best-selling book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell explores the mystery of life and longevity in Roseto, Pennsylvania, a small village located about eighty miles due north of Philadelphia.
Back in the 1950s, it was uncommon to find anyone in Roseto under the age of sixty-five with heart disease. This was at a time in the U.S. when heart attacks were the leading cause of death for men under age 65. The overall death rate in Roseto was far lower than expected. There was no suicide, drug addiction, or alcoholism. Ulcers were rare, and the crime rate was low.
But that’s just the start of the mystery. Experts didn’t consider Roseto diets to be particularly healthy. Although people worked hard in mills and slate quarries, there were no exercise enthusiasts. Many individuals smoked heavily, and some were obese.
What was going on in Roseto? Climate? Ancestry? Genetics?
Sociologists uncovered a surprising explanation. The answer to the mystery was—in a word—relationships.
People in this tight-knit Italian American community knew one another, shared meals, and frequently stopped to chat with neighbors. Multigenerational families lived together. The residents in Roseto worshiped together and supported civic organizations together. They were healthy and happy and grew old together.
That’s the remarkable power of healthy relationships!
We’ve established the importance of awareness in a number of previous practices. It’s difficult to turn the tables on challenges, demons, frustrations, and issues if you don’t know what they are.
That’s why we’re going to begin this important discussion by focusing on awareness—both past and present. Here’s what I’d like you to do this week:
Reflect on the following questions.
Has there been a specific time IN YOUR PAST when broken relationships, isolation, loneliness, or loss had a negative impact on your emotional and/or physical health? What was the relationship? The cause? The consequence or outcome?
Has there been a specific time IN YOUR PAST when healthy relationships had a positive impact on your emotional and/or physical health? What was the relationship? The cause? The consequence or outcome?
Is it possible AT THE PRESENT TIME that one or more broken relationships, isolation, loneliness, or loss is having a negative impact on your emotional and/or physical health? What is the relationship? The cause? The consequence or outcome?
Is it possible AT THE PRESENT TIME that one or more healthy relationships had a positive impact on your emotional and/or physical health? What is the relationship? The cause? The consequence or outcome?
That’s all for this week. Our discussion about self-awareness and relationships is so important that we will spend the next week or two tying things together.
For now, please know how much I value YOUR friendship. So many of you have offered thoughtful feedback and encouragement. That means the world to me.
God’s continued blessings on your relationships and service to others. You are making a difference—and I am cheering for you every step of the way.
Until next time,
John Alan
