The most valuable relationship of all…
G’day mate! This week I want to share one of my absolute favorite relationship lessons.
The lesson starts with the backstory of a popular pop-rock song The Hollies recorded in 1969.
The song is titled “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother.”
(Check out the link to a video of The Hollies original performance at the end of this post.)
Legend has it that the song was inspired by a story dating back to 1918, when a young boy named Howard Loomis was abandoned by his mother at Father Flanagan’s Home for Boys in Omaha, Nebraska.
Howard Loomis had polio and wore heavy leg braces, making walking difficult. Soon, older boys began to help carry him up and down the stairs. One day, Father Flanagan asked one of the boys—Reuben Granger—if carrying Loomis was hard. Granger responded, “He ain’t heavy, Father. He’s my brother.” Those words eventually became the motto for Boys Town.
It’s a heartwarming story. But here’s the part of the story that’s easy to overlook.
Reuben Granger lived in Boys Town too. That means Reuben Granger had no parents either—and likely lived with emotional scars of his own. He undoubtedly wondered what the future held and whether he’d ever have parents again.
Yet it was in these difficult circumstances that Reuben Granger chose to make a difference by helping someone else.
This week I’ve got TWO BIG questions—both based on Reuben Granger’s inspirational story.
Who could be a Reuben Granger to you?
Reuben Grangers are everywhere. I’m confident that there’s someone, perhaps right under your nose, who is eager to understand, encourage, and support you.
Could you be a Reuben Granger to someone else?
It’s a remarkable gift to find a Reuben Granger. It’s also healing to be a Reuben Granger to someone else.
Who are the people YOU could help or encourage—just like Reuben Granger did?
Here are a few places to start:
Find a busy coffee shop barista who has to fill orders like, “Yeah, give me a Venti—soy milk—sugar free—three pump—four-shot—half-caff—heavy on the foam—light on the whip—153 degree latte. Oh—and with extra sprinkles.” When it’s your turn to place your order, share a smile and a word of encouragement. Make eye contact and use their name if you can. Use a sincere and assuring tone of voice and say something simple like, “Thanks for taking care of me—I really appreciate you.” I GUARANTEE you will feel great—and you will likely lift someone up when they need it most.
Look through your social media connections or contact list. Text or message one person a day—or even one person a week—and tell them why you appreciate them.
Keep your radar up—wherever you work, live, shop, or socialize. I might be at your place of worship, your kid’s games or concerts, or a club or service organization.
Everywhere you go there are people fighting their own messy, crazy, complicated struggles.
Everywhere.
YOU can be a listener.
YOU can be an encourager.
YOU can show empathy and love.
YOU can crack open the door of a relationship by being vulnerable and sharing a small part of your own struggle so that they know they’re not alone.
If they light up knowingly, their head nods, and their eyes seem to say, “What? You too?” . . . you have found a new friend.
I now count several people as close friends because I felt safe sharing a few things about my private battles. I then found out they had personal struggles of their own. Now we mutually support and encourage one another.
Congratulations. I’m proud of you.
You’re changing, you’re growing, you’re building healthy relationships, and you’re starting to LIVE AGAIN!
Until next time,
John Alan
Video Link: The Hollies "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"
